Beauty in Nuance

I am beginning to realize that men do not always understand how we [women] interpret things that they say and do. This is one of the many things that makes the world go around. As women, we try to comprehend whatever it is people are saying. In other words, we look for the deeper meaning. Men on the other hand, (typically) do not. Hence, the “getting to know you” phase being so important when working towards any type of relationship. 

It is no secret that men and women are similar in many ways, but we should appreciate the nuances that lie between the two. 

WAKE UP!

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake Up It's the first of the month" is a lyric throughout the year that crosses my TL almost every first day of the month.  Since we're not too far from that first day, I'd like to challenge us to wake up in a different sense.  On my timeline last night were hundreds of tweets about VH1's show Love and Hip-Hop Atlanta's (LHHATL) reunion. Then this morning, I got up and was watching the Kelly & Michael show and TV mogul, Oprah was a guest. I thought to myself, "Can we go back to wanting to be like Oprah and Barack instead of the ratchet mess on VH1?" It's absolutely disgusting that black folks tune into mess like this.  As a black woman who is fighting the stereotype of who so many believe she is before she even opens her mouth, I cannot and will not endorse shows like  LHHATL. This show and anything like it, set us back so many years. THEN, we have the nerve to wonder why folks stereotype us. Really?! I mean, really? 

If I could ask the black community to do one thing, I would ask them to stop supporting shows like Love and Hip Hop. Here's why:

Shows like Love and Hip-Hop (and countless others) reinforce the thousands of stereotypes that whites have about blacks. Some of the stereotypes are: We're loud. We fight. We're "ratchet." We hate each other. Can anyone tell me that Love and Hip-Hop does not embody all of the things just mentioned? No. What is absolutely astounding is that we have the nerve to be offended when folks call us niggers. May I say, that something as simply as watching a tv shows in turn makes it okay for them to place all those stereotypes upon us. 

Thus, our own actions are why this society less of us. My beautiful black people, we are our own worst enemies. When are we going to take a stand and say no more? I thought the Trayvon Martin situation would inspire us to begin making a difference, but I was regrettably mistaken. We unfortunately, are going to continue to keep letting our wheels spin. 

Maury Povich is the one who has been making the most money off of black folks niggnorance. Young women with five to six potential baby daddies. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Black people wake UP! Wake UP! If you didn't watch, it wouldn't be okay. But no, we endorse it and have been (and will continue to) for years to come. It's sad really.  

So you see it's almost unfair to be upset at the Riley Cooper's and Paula Deen's because the entertainment actions are supporting an age old mentality. The old saying goes, "If we knew better, we'd do better." Well, it is time that we begin to know and do better because if we do not, who will? We cannot and will not move forward unless we make a difference. How do we make that difference? Just by doing simple things like not watching a television show is taking a subtle stand. Remember that it has to start with us. If we want respect, we must first act as though we deserve it.  

A Risk Worth Taking

Of all the things I am thankful for about myself, it is my personality. My personality has afforded me so many opportunities, thus making me into the person I am today. I love to meet new people, no matter what the situation, and make a new acquaintance or friend. Even though I never really considered this [meeting new people] to be one of strengths, it is indeed. To be honest, I still get anxiety meeting new people even though I have proven time and time again that I can thrive. Most of that anxiety comes from always wanting to make a good first impression because it is one you cannot change or take back. Like Sheryl Crow said about the first cut being the deepest, so is an impression. 

This past Saturday and last Sunday, I attended two beautiful weddings by myself (We'll save the how and why that all happened for another blog). A few times before each occasion I said to myself, "Are you really about to do this?! The norm is to take a date and enjoy the ceremony & reception with a boyfriend/someone you are seeing/close friend." But then I thought, "You were invited and this is TOO special of a day for some very dear friends for you to miss because you have to attend #solodolo." I was uncomfortable in both situations, but what is written above in the first paragraph is what I took from the experience.

These were two humbling experiences where I again, surprised myself. And again, the experiences were a little outside of comfort zone and I am beginning to realize that there [outside of my comfort zone] is where I will often be placed in order to continue growing as a person. It is these types of instances that make me realize I'm different (in a good way).  I think most people would not attend if they had to go by themselves or leave early, but I stayed the entire time for both weddings. 

With that said, do not always let your thoughts talk you out of situations you feel are uncomfortable. There is a good chance something may come from that situation that you later use a powerful adjective to describe what you experienced. Our mind is powerful and if we let it always talk us out of things that may be beneficial to us, it can stunt our personal growth. Taking risks makes for a great learning moment and good story, so take them often. Remember you are a lot stronger thank you think! 

Snapback from Reality

Isn't it crazy how you have to step back from reality sometimes in order to stay in touch with reality? If we don't find that escape that works for us, stress is bound to ensue. I don't know about you, but I refuse to be stressed out. They say stress takes years off of your life, so ain't nobody got time for that. For many, their escape is some form of exercise, for others it's reading or even playing video games. However, there are some who choose alcohol and other drugs to escape the challenges that everyday life presents.  That's okay as long as you don't over indulge.

My favorite place to escape first, above all, is music land. Without a doubt, some of my best thinking comes from when I have a little music going on in the background. And just as as side note: I have written some of my best papers jamming to country music. It stems from my high school math teacher playing country music (Kenny Chesney to be exact) while we worked on our computers in class. hahaa Gotta love being from the country! 

I write this in hopes that if you haven't already, find your healthy escape. I know the world says it's alcohol, but that does not always have to be the case.  Find what works for you because there are so many ways to forget about trials and tribulations that we face as adults. Don't forget that God is always willing to listen to what we have to say, so prayers is always an option, too. Even if you don't think He's listening...I assure you He is doing the exact opposite. 

Remember that too much of anything is not good.

#JusticeforTrayvon

Wow. As I read what is being said about the trial on all forms of social media my heart is heavy. The black community is taking a few sides on the Trayvon Martin issue. 

1. Supporting the Martin family. People are blacking out their profile pictures and tweeting #justicefortrayvon.
2. Others are saying, that next week, people won't care. Or outside of social media, I bet no one is talking about the case. 
3. It's a race thing. People are saying it's a black/white issue. 

I would like to argue that it is about all three of those.  We should care next week, it is in fact a race issue and we should be supporting the Martin family in any form or fashion.  Yes, the black community continues to commit black on black crime day in and day out and that is a very serious problem. However, this case has nothing to do with that issue. George Zimmerman may have had no "spite, or ill will" but he decided to pursue a man who "fit the profile" of other break-ins that happened in his community. By taking matters into his own hands, that he CLEARLY was not capable of handling, he had to defend himself by using deadly force and because of that very poor decision, Trayvon Benjamin Martin is no longer on this earth.

Now, people claiming this is just a fad. Whoa. Relax!! Whether it is half-hearted or someone is doing something in support of this case just to get likes or attention, it's still half-hearted; in other words, his or her heart is in the right place. This case has received national attention and I am so glad that it has. George Zimmerman deserves to serve SOMETHING killing this young man. 

Who cares if people do not care about it next week! We can make a difference by standing up for one another via social media. It is the biggest tool that so many of have access to in order for us to voice our opinions. 

This trial has spurred conversation. Good healthy conversation about what forever will be an issue in this country: race. I am so proud to be the color that I am, but it comes with a price.  My color comes with the duty of being better than what they portray in the media and movies.  My color comes with the responsibility of holding myself to standard to be well read and educated. My color is why Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks had to stand up! We may not have endured the racism that they did, but I guarantee you that they would both (and other Civil Right Activists for that matter) be proud of us for taking a stand and coming together over this very serious trial. 

Blanket Statements Don't Cover Everybody

By now, everyone who knows me, understands that social media will somehow work its way into our conversation. Let’s face it. That’s where most of my peers are confessing or professing, offending or defending, whatever it is that they think or believe. Social media is an outlet used by many to express anything—#nofilter.

Our opinions are based off of experiences we have had, and those experiences help us form thoughts and beliefs about what is “true” in this world. Facts cannot be disputed i.e. If I let go of a pen, it falls to the ground because of gravity. Opinions on the other hand are different. i.e. Black is the best color for a truck. Yes, you and I are both entitled to our opinion, but those opinions cannot and should not be applied to everyone and everything you know. There is a certain kind of opinion that I want to address and those are blanket statements.

On my timelines, whether Facebook, Twitter and even Instagram, I see statements about women and men, black and white, dark skinned and light skinned, and the list goes on and on. I cannot believe (but really, I can) that general opinionated statements are still said and affirmed by all. Mostly because the statements are true (to some degree) and good for a laugh. However, are we not always professing that we want to be different and that we should appreciate those differences about one another? Unfortunately, the exact opposite is occurring far too often.

Elise, give us some examples.

Well, I’m so glad you asked.

One of the tweets that prompted this post was a statement by a friend of mine via Twitter who said: “It’s like females in sports. They cheer for the popular team or the reigning champions.” Well first of all, it would be “like females and sports”…just saying. Anyway, there are some females who only watch The Heat because of LeBron James’ smile or DWade’s jawline. But what about the girls who are die-hard fans?! What about the girl who has NBA-TV just to make sure she doesn’t miss a game, has the SportsCenter App. on her phone to get all the latest updates, and could be on First Take tomorrow with Skip and Stephen A. talking like any other seasoned sports analyst? If I know a few girls who can fall into the category, then surely some fellas can say the same. It seems unfair, bias, and stereotypical for anyone, male or female, to say such a thing.

Posts that are clogging Instagram feeds everywhere: “Bitches be like…” and “Niggas be like…” Once again, there is truth behind these phrases and to some degree they are also funny. Although, I also find them to be mostly degrading. The phrases are usually pointing out peoples contradictory actions. For example, a guy will post: a picture of a young woman droppin’ it like it’s hot on Saturday night and then, Sunday morning #churchflow. No, I do not condone a woman dancing in a vulgar manner, but God loves her just as much as He loves you and I. At the same time, guys act like they are not doing the same thing. She was dancing with somebody, wasn’t she?

I am so amazed at how much time we take out of our day to tear each other down, instead of building one another up. In some weird way pointing out each others contradicting actions is a good thing because we are setting a certain standard. It’s just funny to me because usually those publicly holding the standard, have very few [standards] themselves, but he or she believes everyone else should have them. Or better yet, he or she could be seen out doing the same thing or worse. Isn’t that called a double standard?

Before you clump everyone into one general idea, think again! We were all created by the same hands, but He made all us one thing: different.

Something Other Than Your Breasts

It is nice to be reminded every once in a while
that a person with a decent set of manners and morals
still matters to some folks.

A genuine person who isn’t perfect,
but has their stuff together.
I mean, that has to be somewhat commendable.
Someone has to see the beauty in that!

I’m really different than most girls.
I like to show off my smile and not my breasts.
I show cleavage like the best of them but what good does it do me if you didn’t notice my face first?
I want to attract him with my corny sense of humor, lovable personality, infectious laugh and mission to be one of the most respected black women in her field.
I want my conversation to leave a long lasting impression that has you thinking about a concept or idea days after it’s been over.

My beautiful assets are part of the package, but some things should
be left to the imagination until you’ve earned the right to see what’s inside.
The mailman does not deliver mail before someone has made sure
it is going to be sent to the right address.
And maybe I’m the last girl to believe in this, but I want that package to be dropped off to the right recepient.
So for right now, the package is still in the warehouse prepping and when the person worth the shipping and handling fees comes along,
like they say at USPS.
“If it fits, it ships."

I’m not tryna diss the girls who have their tits
out in their pics, but
what are you trying to present?
what message are you sending?
Cause pics like that scream D-T-F
and last time I checked
Snookie and the other meatballs
were never and should not be considered any kind of role models.

Oh America
We have confused these young women!
We have gotten them to believe that their figures are all they have to give.
When it should be about what college they’re attending,
where they see themselves in five years and what their biggest accomplishment is?
How can we transform their mindsets when every rap song says the exact opposite?
There comes a point when we should just listen to the music and not actually digest it.
What’s the difference you ask?
Let it be the songs you dance to with ya girls at the club
but not be something you’re actually trying to live by.

If that last paragraph is ever accomplished the world could be a better place.
Oh we’ll still spend hours in the mirror because that is human nature,
but instead,
it’ll be for ourselves.
Women: Impress the world with the beauty of your smile and mind!